Time Warp

I feel like I have been living in a time warp. My dad is still in the hospital but he is finally beginning to improve. It has been a long 10 days of ups and downs. I have spent a lot of time with him at the hospital because he gets very anxious if he doesn't have family with him. My other family members have hospital "psycho"sis and are very uncomfortable being there, especially my mom, so voila! I get the job. I used to be afraid like that too, but after everything I have been through over the last few years, it doesn't really bother me anymore. I think of hospitals as places of healing and rebirth. The only thing that has bothered me is all of the beeping from the monitors every time there is a change in the rhythm of the heart or oxygen level. At first those beeps made me want to jump out of my skin but I'm used to them now and hardly look up to see what's going on. I would like to thank my mother-in-law and sister-in-law for their guidance on some of the withdrawal issues my dad has experienced as well. They are both seasoned nurses and were both spot on with their advice. Thank You!

My dad will be in the hospital for at least a few more days, maybe into the middle of next week. The doctors have told us that most of his problems are directly linked to his heavy smoking. The challenge for us is going to be to keep him from smoking when he gets home. He is very stubborn and will probably deny that it was smoking that got him there in the first place. I probably should have video taped those first few days in the hospital, so he could see himself gasping for air. My sister is also a smoker so I am praying that after seeing all of this she may have a change of heart too.

The kids have been doing okay through this. They are acting out of sorts. With me being at the hospital so much, especially at night, they have been very clingy and emotional. They can sense that something is wrong and are hanging around to eavesdrop in on the "adult" conversation. We tried 2 sleepovers for the girls, with Ms. Ann & Aunt Sara, but they ended up wanting to come home. They got to go see Grandpa yesterday for the first time and I think it helped relieve their fears to see him. It was good for Grandpa too!

Before all this happened, we had planned to go to the beach for the 4th of July. We were supposed to leave today but obviously our plans have been side railed. But, I think we have worked out a plan. My brother and his family are going to go down over the weekend while I stay here and help at the hospital. Then on Sunday, he is going to come back and Sara and I and the girls (Charlie's going to boyscout camp for the week) are going to go down and join his wife and kids for the rest of the week. That way my brother can stay over at my mom's all week and help her when My dad comes home. My sister is ready to help now too. She has been sick with the flu, that my whole family had before the surgery, and has not been able to come to the hospital all last week because the babies have been sick. So, I guess I shouldn't feel guilty if I leave and go the beach for a few days? I am so exhausted.....and I do feel guilty. What if something happens while I am away? I am so torn.

It's hard watching a parent go through this. How did they become so "old" overnight. My dad is only 70 but this last year, he has aged so much. One of my very good friends mother has just been diagnosed with Alzheimer's at 68. She told me the other day that her mom did not recognize her one evening and it just broke my heart to see her pain. I don't want to ever burden my own children in this way if I can take steps now to try and prevent it. My husband has been very affected also by my dad and the passing of Michael Jackson and Billy Mays of heart disease at age 50! That is only a few years older than he is. He has started swimming again at the Y and I am so glad to see him making the effort.

Life is a gift and we only have one vessel. We need to take care of ourselves because that is what God wants us to do. We need to manage the stress in our lives, eat better, and spend LOTS of time with our loved ones. I think I will go to the beach. I think He will watch over my dad for me while I take some time to repair my vessel from all of the worry and stress of this period.

Thanks for listening to my rambles.... This blogging really is good for the soul.....and STAY TUNED, we will get back to our regularly programmed schooling very soon!